make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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