I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
