im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up under a house in Key West
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
