My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
