I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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