it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
