she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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