another moral hangover. fuck.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
