in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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