Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
