i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
