are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
