Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
