Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
