shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
