I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
PANTIES FOUND
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
