I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
