Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
