I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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