Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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