now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
