Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
