i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
