you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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