you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
