So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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