so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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