Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
