I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
