they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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