I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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