you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
