just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
