i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
