She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
