you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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