He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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