cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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