I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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