I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
