Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
