I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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