the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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