Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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