the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
