I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
