he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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