Taylor Swift is so right about you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
