Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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