i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
