guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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