She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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