There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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