There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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